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Thing I've Learnt After Being 20
Tuesday, February 14, 2017 | 8:52 AM | 0 comments


Gonna start the post with an appreciation to all my friends who wished me happy birthday and pray for my happiness in both dunya and the hereafter. Hoping that all the duas and prayers come from your sincere heart so it'll bounce back to you 😊💗

Out of all those wishes I received, the one that caught my attention and managed to make me weep a bit was from one of my close friend in my college, and it sounds like this, "On this special day, I would like to thank your mother for having you as her daughter and raise such a wonderful person like you" I mean wow who expected it's coming. I received tons of wishes that pray the best for me and i didn't even know why, this one sounds so close to my heart. Like out of all those duas, you actually thank my mother for having me? Even me, myself, sometimes are not grateful to be existed and there's someone out there who actually appreciate my presence? And this, brings me back to this blog because it opens a wider perspective of "the reason for my existence"

It shows me who truly care about me, and who are not. Who are being fake and who are being truly honest to me. Who are trying her/his best to look good in front of me, and eventually i'll find out that he/she is truly bitchy inside out. It's hard to be me because I usually know people true colours by analysing them for, um 5 mins? But it doesn't mean that I'll change the way I treated them right after knowing their other side. I won't judge. It's you, yourself and your action that reflects how people will look at you and define you. I pernah (and masih) rasa uncomfortable to be around this one person because since our first met, I could sense that she's being fake to herself, to me, to other people around her. But masa tu, it just me yang could sense that so I pretend that everything's okay between me and her. Turns out now, most of my friends didn't like her as much as I do bcs they realised that she didn't being true to herself. Gotcha, i dah lama tahu! Hahahahahah this thing happen quite frequently so ni antara contoh paling kuat cus my friend once pernah cakap "kenapa kau tak suka dia bukan dia baik ke" and changed it "WEH AKU DAH TAHU KENAPA KAU TAK SUKA DIA" way too easy.

To be quite honest, I don't mind to lose one or two friends like this, because why? To handle such annoyingness is way too burdening for me. Ingat senang ke nak pretend yang you okay with that person but you are actually not??? Living my life selama ni duk jaga hati orang ended up diri sendiri luka berdarah sembilu??? Perit tak perit??? So this is it, I finally can conclude that I'll stop being nice. You nak tengok my bitchy side come see it. You nak cakap dengan your friends yang I ni tak considerate and selfish sebab rapat dengan your EX-boyfriend (which is my friend) go tell everyone. You nak raih simpati by saying bad things about me go for it. Do whatever you want, do whatever suits you. I hope that one day you come to realisation that dunia ni bulat, we live under the belief of kifarah and eventually all those bad things will come back to you.

Maafkan aku jika terkasar bahasa, aku juga manusia biasa. Salam sayang,  Esyah

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